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Its true, I’m a grand mamma, well I’m a Nani to be exact.  A Nani in the cutest little kid voice I can imagine.  In the beginning, there was a toss about of names, even before the little one was born.  Nani has won.  I like it.  Its settling on me.  I like it because it connects me to a perfect little sole.  All soles are perfect, but I do have a “connection” with the new little girl in our lives.  She is over 1 year now.  Sweet, girly and beautiful.  I wasn’t expecting a grand baby and if I did think of grand babies I would always think. Yeah ok, but I’m not ready. I didn’t feel sensible enough.  Anyway it does just happen and the sensibility that I thought I’d lost is still there.  It’s more fun now though.  I don’t feel the pressure I felt as a young Mum to always be correct and right.  Now I like a bit of fun and wrongness.  A bit of mess and joy.  That’s what this grand baby has taught me.  She has softened me in a way I didn’t know I needed to be softened. I know from the moment I knew of her existence, when she was all but a few weeks grown in her mummies tummy – I felt a strong sense of her.  I felt I could touch her hand and feel her heart beat.  It was very special and very new to me.  The whole feeling blew me away but then filled me with love and joy at the same moment.  I can’t describe the feeling, only love, light, purity and definite joy.  This little girl is in our family, and we all have changed, we all have a new way of viewing the world.  Often we speak of this newness as a family, and we can’t describe or understand it, but its just there.

I watch this little one, I see her grow and change before our eyes and I’m reminded of just how quickly she is developing. One day half smiling the next giggling.  I’ve had my first true freely given hug from her.  My first excitement at seeing me enter the room. Pure Joy is all I can say.  She reminds me of how fast time travels, while we think it is standing still, how quickly things can change.  She reminds me of positive energy, of bright eyes and eagerness at all things new.  How do we loose this energy for life. How do we become hum drum in the day to day doings.  Surely there is joy in every moment that we breathe.  She has taught me to be eager and to look at life with fresh eyes.  Mmmmmmm who knew what a gift a grand baby can give………..

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